First Time Manaqing This Year

What a beautiful weekend I have had. New staff over for a game night, lovely company at our staff Christmas dinner (along with lots of laughs), and today I went ice fishing! Enjoy the pics :)

My Sister's Keeper

This fall I was determined to pick up some "just for fun" reading. As a teacher, and a never-ending student, I am always reading literature to become a better professional, so reading is always occurring, but I rarely read just for pleasure. As a kid, I always read. My BFF and I were enthralled with R.L. Stine books. We would camp out at each other's houses and just read, read, read until we finished the newest book. I wouldn't put one down until I finished it. I don't have a lot of vivid memories from childhood, but I can distinctly remember parent-teacher conferences in Kindergarten or first grade when my teacher told my mom that I was a "reader." Of course, back then I was just memorizing short "Gus rides the bus" books, but I took what my teacher said and ran with pride.

As a teacher myself, I try to choose read aloud books that are also made into movies. This way, I can reward my students with a movie, and they can compare the two. Well, I have decided to do this for myself, as well. :) One of the books I chose to read this fall was My Sister's Keeper. It was incredibly engaging and emotional. The end of the book caught me completely off-guard... it was a tear-jerker. This evening I am watching the movie.

As I watched, I knew that it wasn't as good as the book, but it still tugged at my heart. Many of the people in my life know that I lost my dad to Hepatitis C on New Year's 2005. It was a somewhat lengthy battle, and he lasted longer than was expected. What some people don't know it the history of my relationship with him, or how it all ended... which is always the most difficult thing to look back on, and I rarely do.

In My Sister's Keeper, the parents know that their daughter is sick with cancer. They have talks and though no one can prepare for death, they went through the struggle together. I also caught another glimpse of a show this evening where the children remembered the last words that their father had spoken to them, "Don't be sad."

Though we knew my dad was sick, and it seemed if it wasn't one health issue it was another, the death of my father still caught me completely off-guard. I didn't live with him growing up, and I was a young newly-wed in his last days so I really wasn't with him a ton. My ex-husband and I were driving out to the valley to a friend's cabin when I got the phone call... we had just passed Eagle River, which is where my dad and his mom lived. My mom wanted to make sure I wasn't driving. She told us to pull over so that she could tell me. I told her we were good, just tell me whatever it was. She told me that my dad was dead. It was in that moment that so many thoughts raced through my head.

The most difficult part of my dad's death was seeing where he died. He was living in a little shack with an area of about two love seats. No insulation, food from the food bank in front of him, and he was surrounded by photos and letters that he received from us girls over the years (dating WAY back). We were his world, there was no doubt in that.

I am not writing this for sympathy, but I sometimes forget just how tragic that moment was in my life. But, it is something that has changed me and affected me, and seeing the shows I saw tonight, a lot of those emotions came back. I don't remember the last words I spoke to my dad. I remember the last times I saw him. I remember what he looked like. And, if I try hard enough, I can remember few vivid memories of times we had together.

I am so thankful for my family and friends. And I am so thankful for my time here on this Earth. I feel for anybody who has ever lost anyone close to them. There are no words and there is no preparation to fully deal with one's death. It hurts to remember, but it is so important in the puzzle of my life. I am so, so thankful that I will be with my family this holiday season. We will disagree, get annoyed with one another, and be ready to go our own ways by the time the vacation is over... but, every moment of it will be worth it and valued.

Thanks for hearing my heart,

Misty